ABOUT five years ago I imposed a Taliban-style ban on EastEnders after its storylines slumped to such a low level of depressing sleaze and toxicity I couldn't stand the show any longer.
It was the first programme I have ever felt moved to ban from our TV, the second - and last - being Big Brother ( er...not the 'celebrity version', which I quite like...)
My ban on EastEnders has never been revoked, not least because my wife wasn't a keen viewer in the first place.
But I didn't want my kids to watch it so they haven't.
At one time, I would always jump to the defence of Coronation Street and Emmerdale, as both carried humorous plot developments alongside the heavier stuff.
However, both these soaps long ago forfeited my allegiance by dumbing down to compete with execrable EastEnders.
So I don't watch either of them anymore.
Nor, despite being a former TV critic, do I follow any other soaps.
All of which makes me very concerned and irritated that one soap has somehow slipped under the radar in recent months.
My daughter has taken a liking to Hollyoaks.
In fact, 'liking' is not strong enough.
She is addicted to the horrible series and will rant and wail if I so much as suggest switching over.
As she is now almost 14 and has to be given a certain level of independence, I have agreed to let her watch it.
The trouble is, although aimed at a younger audience than EastEnders, Hollyoaks is just as sleazy and toxic in its storylines.
Most characters seem to be either on drugs, about to get on drugs, trying to get off drugs, or selling drugs.
There's also a fair smattering of bulimia, anorexia, and God-knows-whatia else.
Then there's the usual politically correct gay angle - every soap has to have one these days.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't want to be forced to watch two men snogging at 6.30pm - or at any time, to be honest.
Yet, apparently, that's what modern soap audiences are craving.
And don't get me started on the mobile phones.
Characters are constantly dribbling into mobile phones whenever they feel the need to reveal their deepest feelings - which is most of the time.
In fact, Hollyoaks often appears to be nothing more than a very long advert for the mobile phone industry.
I can still remember the saccharine sweet episodes of Aussie soap Neighbours when the series was first shown here, with Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan in lead roles.
I was unimpressed at the time.
Now, compared to today's miserable offerings, I think they were classics of good taste.